“Don’t tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you’re sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.”
-Homer’s code of the schoolyard
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Friday, May 28, 2004
Thursday, May 27, 2004
What Else Am I Going To Do, Stay Here and Learn
A Washington Post story today highlighted that if President Bush is re-elected, small budget cuts across a wide swath of departments will occur. That news in and of itself isn’t anything to crow about, but what is potentially interesting is that the largest cuts would come from the Education Department.
The article states that “the administration has widely touted a $1.7 billion increase in discretionary funding for the Education Department in its 2005 budget.” With the budget cuts for 2006, the Education Department will be pared back by $1.5 billion, essentially erasing the previous increase in funding.
As El Duderino noted in a previous column, the much-ballyhooed No Child Left Behind Act has seen much criticism from educators due to its lack of monetary support from the Bush administration that created the act in the first place (i.e. this isn’t a case of a new administration not agreeing with a previous administration’s policy).
As the election season rolls on and the level of political mumbo jumbo increases from both sides, it’ll be interesting to see how this information is portrayed. If Bush continues to portray himself as the education president based on NCLB, well, it’ll be interesting to see the results.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A58762-2004May26.html
I’m sure half of the El Duderino’s two readers are oft-confused by the headlines, so I’ve decided to provide a quick reasoning at the end of each post… sort of like the column ESPN used to have that translated Dennis Miller comments when he was an analyst on Monday Night Football.
Headline Quote Movie of Origin: Road Trip
Character: E.L. (aka Stifler, also known as Seann William Scott)
Setting: Stifler providing Josh with his reasoning on why he will travel cross-country with him to intercept the sexually explicit video tape that was accidentally sent to Josh’s girlfriend.
The quotes is relevant to this story how?: E.L. is an example of the type of miscreant that has resulted from a generation of inadequate funding levels for our nation’s schools. His use of college as a means to delay responsibility is an outrage and indicative of what we face as a society if the status quo is not changed
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
The article states that “the administration has widely touted a $1.7 billion increase in discretionary funding for the Education Department in its 2005 budget.” With the budget cuts for 2006, the Education Department will be pared back by $1.5 billion, essentially erasing the previous increase in funding.
As El Duderino noted in a previous column, the much-ballyhooed No Child Left Behind Act has seen much criticism from educators due to its lack of monetary support from the Bush administration that created the act in the first place (i.e. this isn’t a case of a new administration not agreeing with a previous administration’s policy).
As the election season rolls on and the level of political mumbo jumbo increases from both sides, it’ll be interesting to see how this information is portrayed. If Bush continues to portray himself as the education president based on NCLB, well, it’ll be interesting to see the results.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A58762-2004May26.html
I’m sure half of the El Duderino’s two readers are oft-confused by the headlines, so I’ve decided to provide a quick reasoning at the end of each post… sort of like the column ESPN used to have that translated Dennis Miller comments when he was an analyst on Monday Night Football.
Headline Quote Movie of Origin: Road Trip
Character: E.L. (aka Stifler, also known as Seann William Scott)
Setting: Stifler providing Josh with his reasoning on why he will travel cross-country with him to intercept the sexually explicit video tape that was accidentally sent to Josh’s girlfriend.
The quotes is relevant to this story how?: E.L. is an example of the type of miscreant that has resulted from a generation of inadequate funding levels for our nation’s schools. His use of college as a means to delay responsibility is an outrage and indicative of what we face as a society if the status quo is not changed
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Monday, May 24, 2004
A Nest in a Tree of Trust and Understanding
The recent hubbub concerning high gas prices strikes me as a bit ridiculous on many levels. As noted in an article by Gregg Easterbrook of The New Republic, gas prices are only catastrophically high when not paying attention to inflation. In real dollars, gas prices were $2.80 in 1981, significantly higher than today’s rate. In fact, in the 50s, which many considered “Energy Heaven,” prices were $1.80 in real dollars, not that much lower than today’s prices. Combined with today’s automobiles consuming much less fuel per gallon, gasoline is still at a much lower percentage of income than at most points in the last 50 years.
But even though the facts state that gasoline isn’t that expensive (a gallon of drinking water isn’t even that much less than gasoline), is that even a good thing? What would happen if gasoline prices doubled to $4 per gallon, a price that is more indicative of what other developed countries pay at the pump.
Consumers would likely drive less: the environment and infrastructure (in the way of roads and bridges) benefit. Maybe it forces a few more people to walk instead of driving the half-mile to the grocery store. Again, maybe not such a bad result for the increasingly obese society in which we live. In the long-term, more focus would need to occur to update and increase the capacity of our public transportation systems. That all sounds pretty good to me.
So just remember this article the next time your being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.
http://www.tnr.com/easterbrook.mhtml?week=2004-03-02
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
But even though the facts state that gasoline isn’t that expensive (a gallon of drinking water isn’t even that much less than gasoline), is that even a good thing? What would happen if gasoline prices doubled to $4 per gallon, a price that is more indicative of what other developed countries pay at the pump.
Consumers would likely drive less: the environment and infrastructure (in the way of roads and bridges) benefit. Maybe it forces a few more people to walk instead of driving the half-mile to the grocery store. Again, maybe not such a bad result for the increasingly obese society in which we live. In the long-term, more focus would need to occur to update and increase the capacity of our public transportation systems. That all sounds pretty good to me.
So just remember this article the next time your being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.
http://www.tnr.com/easterbrook.mhtml?week=2004-03-02
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Quote of the Week
“I don’t want money. I want greatness. Money is like sand to me. I squeeze it real hard, and it gets away. It’s just like women. Sometimes I squeeze them too hard, then I turn around, and they’re gone.”
Mike Tyson
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Mike Tyson
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Current Ten Favorite Players in the Playoffs
· Trenton Hassell
· Kevin Garnett
· Peja Stojakovic
· Mike Bibby
· Ron Artest
· Al Harrington
· Tony Parker
· Ben Wallace
· Rip Hamilton
· Lamar Odom
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
· Kevin Garnett
· Peja Stojakovic
· Mike Bibby
· Ron Artest
· Al Harrington
· Tony Parker
· Ben Wallace
· Rip Hamilton
· Lamar Odom
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Random Thought of the Day
If I pay the “a penny a day” people four bucks can I feel not guilty walking by them for a full year?
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
It Takes a Man to Give Away an Angel
In a striking reversal of fortune, Democratic nominee John Kerry has finally done something right with the unveiling of his plans for education reform. The plan follows the theme of Bush’s controversial No Child Left Behind Act by stressing accountability from teachers, but builds upon the previous act by providing monetary incentive to those districts that agree to play by the rules.
The plan would provide states more than $20 million over the next decade to hire more teachers and raise pay, particularly in urban districts that face particularly debilitating shortages. In return, those states that agree to participate would loosen the “tenure-esque” employment protections that teachers currently receive. An additional $10 billion over the next decade would provide aid to struggling schools.
Although the plan has yet to receive a strong reaction in either direction from teacher’s unions (and other similarly affected groups), several prognosticators have ventured that Kerry’s plan is a bit more centrist than the unions might like. As Kerry has been know to fold a bit after receiving pressure in the past (his sudden change of heart in regards to outsourcing, post his wins in the Midwestern primaries being one of the latest), it will be particularly interesting to see how this unfolds.
A few resources on the No Child Left Behind Act, Kerry’s recent proposals and an amazing blog called Eduwonk that covers the education space…
- http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/2004/la-na-kerry7may07,1,1220004.story?coll=la-home-headlines
- http://www.ndol.org/ndol_ci.cfm?contentid=252576&kaid=110&subid=900023
- www.eduwonk.com
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
The plan would provide states more than $20 million over the next decade to hire more teachers and raise pay, particularly in urban districts that face particularly debilitating shortages. In return, those states that agree to participate would loosen the “tenure-esque” employment protections that teachers currently receive. An additional $10 billion over the next decade would provide aid to struggling schools.
Although the plan has yet to receive a strong reaction in either direction from teacher’s unions (and other similarly affected groups), several prognosticators have ventured that Kerry’s plan is a bit more centrist than the unions might like. As Kerry has been know to fold a bit after receiving pressure in the past (his sudden change of heart in regards to outsourcing, post his wins in the Midwestern primaries being one of the latest), it will be particularly interesting to see how this unfolds.
A few resources on the No Child Left Behind Act, Kerry’s recent proposals and an amazing blog called Eduwonk that covers the education space…
- http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/2004/la-na-kerry7may07,1,1220004.story?coll=la-home-headlines
- http://www.ndol.org/ndol_ci.cfm?contentid=252576&kaid=110&subid=900023
- www.eduwonk.com
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Friday, May 07, 2004
Sports Guy: No Playoffs, No Problem
Okay, I’m not going to make this a normal habit, but this article is just too damn perfect not to post and since it involves a topic dear to my heart that has already been discussed… this just needs to be on El Duderino.
The following is an excerpt of an article from The Sports Guy, who writes for ESPN’s Page 2, ESPN The Magazine and the Jimmy Kimmel Show. For the entire original article… http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040507.
No Playoffs, No Problem
A friend in L.A. mailed me "The OC" pilot last summer, about a month before it premiered on Fox. "You're going to love it," he told me. "It's ridiculous. Could fill the void of 90210."
Well, those are some pretty strong words. I still haven't recovered from the demise of "90210," not when David Silver had so much more music in him. I'm not sure what Fox was thinking here. Personally, I would have spun him off into his own show where he tried to launch a music career in LA and became bitter rivals with David from "Real World: New Orleans," only they eventually became roommates and merged their talents together with the smash hit duet, "Come On Be My Baby It's You Girl."
I wouldn't have stopped there. Brandon should have gotten his own show, where he worked for the Boston Globe and did Brandon things. And Dylan definitely should have gotten his own show -- "Permanent Hangover," where he did drugs, drove drunk and had sex with bimbos every week, only with no repercussions. Even Valerie should have gotten her own show, where she played a struggling 20-something in L.A. who slept with a ton of guys and had to get tested at the end of every episode. Best of all, Ian Ziering could have just zoomed around and made cameos in every show. None of these ideas would have missed.
Here's the point: There was a "90210" void. When I passed my friend's "OC" sentiments along to the Sports Gal, she practically clotheslined me for the tape. And as we watched it ... I mean, sometimes you just know. People will always watch a show if it includes the following things:
1. Rich people doing rich things
There's a famous Hollywood story about Rodney Dangerfield's movie "Back to School." They had the script, had Rodney, had the jokes, couldn't figure out what it was missing ... and then someone had the suggestion, "Make him rich." Boom. There's the movie. Everyone wants to be rich. Few people get the chance. So whether we're watching someone save the day with money, or we're watching attractive people driving Ferraris, throwing black-tie functions and getting double-crossed out of millions, it's probably going to work. If there are bikinis and sun, even better. Why do you think "90210" didn't take off until their summer at the Beach Club?
2. An outsider watching rich people do rich things
You always need that outsider -- Brandon on "90210," Ryan on "The OC," Darko on the Pistons. They're like us. They don't belong in this world; neither do we. If you can have them battling about "whether they should move back home" every 10 episodes or so, that's a bonus.
3. A premise just ludicrous enough that you have a good time making fun of it ... and yet just believable enough that it doesn't undermine the whole show
Sandy Cohen is already a first-ballot hall of famer for TV dads.
I loved what "The OC" did here: Peter Gallagher finds himself defending a kid from Encino, a nice enough kid with nothing going for him. And here's what Gallagher decides: "This kid is nothing but trouble ... hey, he can move into my house for a few weeks! I'm sure this street thug kid will get along famously with my nerdy, awkward son who loves comic books! My wife won't mind at all!"
So Ryan moves in. He makes friends with Seth (the nerdy son), then falls for the next-door neighbor (Marissa), a rich chick who has a thing for brooding short guys with no money and no hope. Then he and Seth get their asses kicked by the OC water polo team, so Seth's mom wants him gone. Gallagher drives him back to his old house in Chino, where he's already been kicked out by his mom -- and you know something sad is about to happen because there's a sad song playing in the background -- and guess what? Everyone moved out! He should just kill himself, right?
Nope. Gallagher gives him this one: "Come on, grab your stuff, you're coming home with us."
End of pilot. And if you didn't think this crap worked to a tee ... well, you're crazy. The Sports Gal ended up watching the pilot three times in a single weekend.
4. At least two good-looking chicks.
Guys aren't watching trashy shows unless hot women are involved. It's just a fact. For instance, there wasn't a guy on the planet who watched Melrose Place until Amanda and Sydney showed up. Not a problem for "The OC." Between Summer, Marissa, Kirsten's sister and Marissa's Mom, we're in good hands here.
5. Luck with the actors
Goes without saying. "The OC" lucked out with the adults (especially Gallagher) and the girl who plays Summer (the delightful Rachel Bilson). The kid playing Ryan isn't bad, even though it seems like he's doing an imitiation of Jay Mohr's Andrew McCarthy imitation half the time (looking intense, rolling his eyes and saying stuff like, "I love her, man"). He's also like 27 in real life (insert Ian Ziering joke here). Then again, maybe that isn't a bad thing. I think my "90210" highlight of all-time -- other than Dylan ruining Donna Martion's debutante ball -- was Steve Sanders celebrating his 21st birthday when he was like 37 in real life.
But the key to everything was the guy who plays Seth -- Adam Brody -- probably the best young actor on TV and someone who reminds many people of a young Tom Hanks (not Serious Tom Hanks, but the guy from "Splash," "Bachelor Party" and "Turner and Hooch"). Whether "The OC" becomes Brody's "Bosom Buddies" remains to be seen, but he's the franchise here. And that was the problem with Season One -- the show was supposed to be geared around Ryan and Marissa, but Seth and his girlfriend (Summer) were 10 times more entertaining. A good problem to have ... but still, a problem.
6. A random, ridiculous fistfight for no reason
Done and done.
And finally ...
7. Just the right dose of Unintentional Comedy
It's a little early, but Seth Cohen would like to wish you a merry, merry Christmaka.
Again, not a problem with "The OC." We knew right away, too -- during the scene in the pilot when Ryan and Seth brawl against the Aryan Rich Kid Fighting Machine on the beach, and the villainous Luke kicks Ryan in the stomach and screams, "This is how we do it in the OC, bitch!"
So all the elements were there. I'd give them an "A" for the pilot and a "B-plus" for the season that followed -- which was uneven at times but delivered the goods for the most part. There were three great episodes (and by "great," I mean "great" in terms of reaching the potential of the show): The pilot; the one where Ryan's mom came to visit; and a clever episode where they interacted with the characters of a fake, "OC"-like show. The guy who created the show -- Josh Schwartz, only 26 -- could be headed for bigger and better things. Some of the stuff in Season One was genuinely funny.
Sure, there were some problems. During the middle of the season, there was a gawd-awful running story arc with Oliver, an imbalanced rich kid who tried to steal Marissa from Ryan over the course of a few episodes. This idea was right up there with "Rocky 5" and "Ruiz-Holyfield 3." They also tried too many love triangles. Milked the Ryan-Marissa relationship for too long when they didn't have any chemistry at all. Tried to pretend Summer was a virgin when she slept with Seth (please). And some of the mix-and-match moments -- like Marissa's dad dating Seth's mom's sister as Marissa's mom was dating Seth's mom's father -- went a little overboard.
My biggest problem was how they handled the Luke character -- a natural villain for Ryan out of that "Billy Zabka in the 80's" mold. They just weren't patient with him. By the 10th episode, he had been turned into one of those goofy, Steve Sanders-type characters, befriended the gang and seemed poised to shatter the Unintentional Comedy Scale as we know it. Then he had an inexplicable affair with Marissa's mom. Finally, he crashed his jeep and almost died. Now he's just MIA. How can someone blow a chance to become the next Zabka and the next Ziering in the same season? It's almost mind-boggling.
On the plus side, Brody emerged as someone who could carry the show. They managed to keep the adults interesting all season (something early "90210" couldn't pull off). Gallagher's character even joined the ranks of the all-time great TV dads, right up there with Mr. Keaton on "Family Ties," Mr. Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes" and Mr Walsh on "90210." Meanwhile, Marissa's acting was so comically atrocious, it brought back fond memories of the Andrew Shue Era. They managed to hit a record number of "issues," including teen pregnancy, virginity, drinking, drugs, schizophrenia, suicide and, DWI. They even made Marissa's useless sister vanish halfway through the season, a classic "90210" ploy (if it ain't working, make it disappear).
The season-ending cliffhanger was actually pretty good -- Ryan leaving to deal with his knocked-up former flame; Marissa hitting the bottle; Seth sailing to Tahiti on a 15-foot sailboat that wouldn't have been good enough for Gilligan and the Skipper, bringing only a duffel bag and no food. All in all, a ludicrously satisfying conclusion to an entertaining season. If only "Friends" could have said the same.
(Of course, I'll take the NBA Playoffs over either of them. Can we start playing some games, please? Please? Pretty please?)
Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN the Magazine.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
The following is an excerpt of an article from The Sports Guy, who writes for ESPN’s Page 2, ESPN The Magazine and the Jimmy Kimmel Show. For the entire original article… http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040507.
No Playoffs, No Problem
A friend in L.A. mailed me "The OC" pilot last summer, about a month before it premiered on Fox. "You're going to love it," he told me. "It's ridiculous. Could fill the void of 90210."
Well, those are some pretty strong words. I still haven't recovered from the demise of "90210," not when David Silver had so much more music in him. I'm not sure what Fox was thinking here. Personally, I would have spun him off into his own show where he tried to launch a music career in LA and became bitter rivals with David from "Real World: New Orleans," only they eventually became roommates and merged their talents together with the smash hit duet, "Come On Be My Baby It's You Girl."
I wouldn't have stopped there. Brandon should have gotten his own show, where he worked for the Boston Globe and did Brandon things. And Dylan definitely should have gotten his own show -- "Permanent Hangover," where he did drugs, drove drunk and had sex with bimbos every week, only with no repercussions. Even Valerie should have gotten her own show, where she played a struggling 20-something in L.A. who slept with a ton of guys and had to get tested at the end of every episode. Best of all, Ian Ziering could have just zoomed around and made cameos in every show. None of these ideas would have missed.
Here's the point: There was a "90210" void. When I passed my friend's "OC" sentiments along to the Sports Gal, she practically clotheslined me for the tape. And as we watched it ... I mean, sometimes you just know. People will always watch a show if it includes the following things:
1. Rich people doing rich things
There's a famous Hollywood story about Rodney Dangerfield's movie "Back to School." They had the script, had Rodney, had the jokes, couldn't figure out what it was missing ... and then someone had the suggestion, "Make him rich." Boom. There's the movie. Everyone wants to be rich. Few people get the chance. So whether we're watching someone save the day with money, or we're watching attractive people driving Ferraris, throwing black-tie functions and getting double-crossed out of millions, it's probably going to work. If there are bikinis and sun, even better. Why do you think "90210" didn't take off until their summer at the Beach Club?
2. An outsider watching rich people do rich things
You always need that outsider -- Brandon on "90210," Ryan on "The OC," Darko on the Pistons. They're like us. They don't belong in this world; neither do we. If you can have them battling about "whether they should move back home" every 10 episodes or so, that's a bonus.
3. A premise just ludicrous enough that you have a good time making fun of it ... and yet just believable enough that it doesn't undermine the whole show
Sandy Cohen is already a first-ballot hall of famer for TV dads.
I loved what "The OC" did here: Peter Gallagher finds himself defending a kid from Encino, a nice enough kid with nothing going for him. And here's what Gallagher decides: "This kid is nothing but trouble ... hey, he can move into my house for a few weeks! I'm sure this street thug kid will get along famously with my nerdy, awkward son who loves comic books! My wife won't mind at all!"
So Ryan moves in. He makes friends with Seth (the nerdy son), then falls for the next-door neighbor (Marissa), a rich chick who has a thing for brooding short guys with no money and no hope. Then he and Seth get their asses kicked by the OC water polo team, so Seth's mom wants him gone. Gallagher drives him back to his old house in Chino, where he's already been kicked out by his mom -- and you know something sad is about to happen because there's a sad song playing in the background -- and guess what? Everyone moved out! He should just kill himself, right?
Nope. Gallagher gives him this one: "Come on, grab your stuff, you're coming home with us."
End of pilot. And if you didn't think this crap worked to a tee ... well, you're crazy. The Sports Gal ended up watching the pilot three times in a single weekend.
4. At least two good-looking chicks.
Guys aren't watching trashy shows unless hot women are involved. It's just a fact. For instance, there wasn't a guy on the planet who watched Melrose Place until Amanda and Sydney showed up. Not a problem for "The OC." Between Summer, Marissa, Kirsten's sister and Marissa's Mom, we're in good hands here.
5. Luck with the actors
Goes without saying. "The OC" lucked out with the adults (especially Gallagher) and the girl who plays Summer (the delightful Rachel Bilson). The kid playing Ryan isn't bad, even though it seems like he's doing an imitiation of Jay Mohr's Andrew McCarthy imitation half the time (looking intense, rolling his eyes and saying stuff like, "I love her, man"). He's also like 27 in real life (insert Ian Ziering joke here). Then again, maybe that isn't a bad thing. I think my "90210" highlight of all-time -- other than Dylan ruining Donna Martion's debutante ball -- was Steve Sanders celebrating his 21st birthday when he was like 37 in real life.
But the key to everything was the guy who plays Seth -- Adam Brody -- probably the best young actor on TV and someone who reminds many people of a young Tom Hanks (not Serious Tom Hanks, but the guy from "Splash," "Bachelor Party" and "Turner and Hooch"). Whether "The OC" becomes Brody's "Bosom Buddies" remains to be seen, but he's the franchise here. And that was the problem with Season One -- the show was supposed to be geared around Ryan and Marissa, but Seth and his girlfriend (Summer) were 10 times more entertaining. A good problem to have ... but still, a problem.
6. A random, ridiculous fistfight for no reason
Done and done.
And finally ...
7. Just the right dose of Unintentional Comedy
It's a little early, but Seth Cohen would like to wish you a merry, merry Christmaka.
Again, not a problem with "The OC." We knew right away, too -- during the scene in the pilot when Ryan and Seth brawl against the Aryan Rich Kid Fighting Machine on the beach, and the villainous Luke kicks Ryan in the stomach and screams, "This is how we do it in the OC, bitch!"
So all the elements were there. I'd give them an "A" for the pilot and a "B-plus" for the season that followed -- which was uneven at times but delivered the goods for the most part. There were three great episodes (and by "great," I mean "great" in terms of reaching the potential of the show): The pilot; the one where Ryan's mom came to visit; and a clever episode where they interacted with the characters of a fake, "OC"-like show. The guy who created the show -- Josh Schwartz, only 26 -- could be headed for bigger and better things. Some of the stuff in Season One was genuinely funny.
Sure, there were some problems. During the middle of the season, there was a gawd-awful running story arc with Oliver, an imbalanced rich kid who tried to steal Marissa from Ryan over the course of a few episodes. This idea was right up there with "Rocky 5" and "Ruiz-Holyfield 3." They also tried too many love triangles. Milked the Ryan-Marissa relationship for too long when they didn't have any chemistry at all. Tried to pretend Summer was a virgin when she slept with Seth (please). And some of the mix-and-match moments -- like Marissa's dad dating Seth's mom's sister as Marissa's mom was dating Seth's mom's father -- went a little overboard.
My biggest problem was how they handled the Luke character -- a natural villain for Ryan out of that "Billy Zabka in the 80's" mold. They just weren't patient with him. By the 10th episode, he had been turned into one of those goofy, Steve Sanders-type characters, befriended the gang and seemed poised to shatter the Unintentional Comedy Scale as we know it. Then he had an inexplicable affair with Marissa's mom. Finally, he crashed his jeep and almost died. Now he's just MIA. How can someone blow a chance to become the next Zabka and the next Ziering in the same season? It's almost mind-boggling.
On the plus side, Brody emerged as someone who could carry the show. They managed to keep the adults interesting all season (something early "90210" couldn't pull off). Gallagher's character even joined the ranks of the all-time great TV dads, right up there with Mr. Keaton on "Family Ties," Mr. Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes" and Mr Walsh on "90210." Meanwhile, Marissa's acting was so comically atrocious, it brought back fond memories of the Andrew Shue Era. They managed to hit a record number of "issues," including teen pregnancy, virginity, drinking, drugs, schizophrenia, suicide and, DWI. They even made Marissa's useless sister vanish halfway through the season, a classic "90210" ploy (if it ain't working, make it disappear).
The season-ending cliffhanger was actually pretty good -- Ryan leaving to deal with his knocked-up former flame; Marissa hitting the bottle; Seth sailing to Tahiti on a 15-foot sailboat that wouldn't have been good enough for Gilligan and the Skipper, bringing only a duffel bag and no food. All in all, a ludicrously satisfying conclusion to an entertaining season. If only "Friends" could have said the same.
(Of course, I'll take the NBA Playoffs over either of them. Can we start playing some games, please? Please? Pretty please?)
Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN the Magazine.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
I am the Champion of the World
If you’re in one of the 17 “lucky” battleground states, you’ll soon be exposed to the first barrage of presidential ads that tend to have one goal… confuse the living beejesus out of voters.
This year promises to be ever more fierce than most as the combined candidacies are expected to raise an eye boggling $400 million by the time the actual election rolls around. I don’t believe that figure includes funds that are being filtered through organizations not officially associated with the candidates in order to bypass restrictions resulting from the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform legislation. Those funds promise to be even more egregious as individuals don’t have to conform to the $2,000 limits imposed by the reforms.
Any-who, John Kerry is the first to strike with a $25 million ad campaign, the largest single ad placement ever by a presidential candidate. Kerry, refreshingly enough, has decided NOT to bash Bush with the ads, and instead will provide Americans with a glimpse into the background that has led to the man that we call John F Kerry.
El Duderino has enlisted the help of the crack staff at the Los Angeles Times to break down the integrity of the ads. Read below for the results…
Themes highlighted by Kerry in the ad campaign and the reality of those themes:
- Military record: He’s a decorated Vietnam veteran, but upon his return from the war he became a vocal anti-war activist, which ultimately launched his political career. There’s also been a recent spat of pettiness about whether Kerry through his medals or his ribbons over a wall during a demonstration… in the friggin early 70s! WHO CARES!
- Healthcare for children: Kerry touts himself as a “leader” due to his vote and participation for a 1997 law that grants federal aid to states for children’s health insurance. The L.A. Times notes, though, that other Democrats played a far more prominent role in the legislation.
- Job creation: Kerry’s ad claims that he cast a decisive vote in the 90s that created 20 million new jobs. Unfortunately for Kerry, the vote was only decisive in as much as all of the other Democratic senators that supported the bill, in which former vice president Al Gore actually cast the deciding vote. Further, the 20 million new jobs claim falls in the Bush fuzzy math category.
So begins another campaign season of ridiculous statements and pandering… sigh.
http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/2004/la-na-kerry4may04,1,7843735.story?coll=la-home-headlines
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
This year promises to be ever more fierce than most as the combined candidacies are expected to raise an eye boggling $400 million by the time the actual election rolls around. I don’t believe that figure includes funds that are being filtered through organizations not officially associated with the candidates in order to bypass restrictions resulting from the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform legislation. Those funds promise to be even more egregious as individuals don’t have to conform to the $2,000 limits imposed by the reforms.
Any-who, John Kerry is the first to strike with a $25 million ad campaign, the largest single ad placement ever by a presidential candidate. Kerry, refreshingly enough, has decided NOT to bash Bush with the ads, and instead will provide Americans with a glimpse into the background that has led to the man that we call John F Kerry.
El Duderino has enlisted the help of the crack staff at the Los Angeles Times to break down the integrity of the ads. Read below for the results…
Themes highlighted by Kerry in the ad campaign and the reality of those themes:
- Military record: He’s a decorated Vietnam veteran, but upon his return from the war he became a vocal anti-war activist, which ultimately launched his political career. There’s also been a recent spat of pettiness about whether Kerry through his medals or his ribbons over a wall during a demonstration… in the friggin early 70s! WHO CARES!
- Healthcare for children: Kerry touts himself as a “leader” due to his vote and participation for a 1997 law that grants federal aid to states for children’s health insurance. The L.A. Times notes, though, that other Democrats played a far more prominent role in the legislation.
- Job creation: Kerry’s ad claims that he cast a decisive vote in the 90s that created 20 million new jobs. Unfortunately for Kerry, the vote was only decisive in as much as all of the other Democratic senators that supported the bill, in which former vice president Al Gore actually cast the deciding vote. Further, the 20 million new jobs claim falls in the Bush fuzzy math category.
So begins another campaign season of ridiculous statements and pandering… sigh.
http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/2004/la-na-kerry4may04,1,7843735.story?coll=la-home-headlines
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Who Ever Heard of a Snozzberry
New York playground legend and high school phenom Sebastian Telfair made it official yesterday. He will indeed provide his services to the NBA next season, hiring an agent and making himself available for the draft in June.
Although the controversy of entering the draft as a high schooler is so ’99, Telfair seems to be much, much different than the breed of previous entrants. At just six feet in stature, some say less (hus the Oompa Loompa reference in the title – if you were curious), Telfair will be thrust into not only a man’s game, but a man’s game where height is a key component.
He’s clearly a tremendous athlete and top notch baller, having averaged more than 33 points per game his senior year in high school, leading his team to three city titles and one state title. But how that will translate to the NBA, where the point guard is expected to provide leadership and order to those much older and more experienced than he, is anyone’s guess… and a guess that will likely make one lucky NBA GM a hero or goat.
But whether Telfair is a star or a bust is in some ways insignificant as the astute executives at Adidas (and yes, I use that term lightly) have already signed young Telfair to a multi-million dollar shoe contract. If you’re Telfair there’s no other choice.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Although the controversy of entering the draft as a high schooler is so ’99, Telfair seems to be much, much different than the breed of previous entrants. At just six feet in stature, some say less (hus the Oompa Loompa reference in the title – if you were curious), Telfair will be thrust into not only a man’s game, but a man’s game where height is a key component.
He’s clearly a tremendous athlete and top notch baller, having averaged more than 33 points per game his senior year in high school, leading his team to three city titles and one state title. But how that will translate to the NBA, where the point guard is expected to provide leadership and order to those much older and more experienced than he, is anyone’s guess… and a guess that will likely make one lucky NBA GM a hero or goat.
But whether Telfair is a star or a bust is in some ways insignificant as the astute executives at Adidas (and yes, I use that term lightly) have already signed young Telfair to a multi-million dollar shoe contract. If you’re Telfair there’s no other choice.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Monday, May 03, 2004
Fighting Fire with... a Baathist?
The fighting in Iraq has definitely reached a stage where some new and fresh ideas need to be sought, but am I crazy in thinking that assigning power to a former high ranking Republican Guard member might not be the smartest move?
It was reported over the weekend in the NYT that military sources in Fallujah, site of the fiercest fighting, confirmed that they had provided the okay to Jassim Mohammed Saleh, former Baathist, to form a brigade to fight insurgents.
To add further color to the story, it was reported that Saleh said that there were no insurgents in Fallujah and that top generals denied they were allowing Saleh a role in the action. The lines of communication are clearly WIDE open.
There’s an obvious need to train and arm Iraqi forces to take over when the U.S. withdraws but I can’t help but thinking of Iraq (in the war against Iran), Afghanistan (in the war with the former Soviet Union) and the recent turmoil in Haiti as examples of the US arming a faction to help promote American policy only to have those weapons come back to haunt us later.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/03/international/middleeast/03FALL.html
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
It was reported over the weekend in the NYT that military sources in Fallujah, site of the fiercest fighting, confirmed that they had provided the okay to Jassim Mohammed Saleh, former Baathist, to form a brigade to fight insurgents.
To add further color to the story, it was reported that Saleh said that there were no insurgents in Fallujah and that top generals denied they were allowing Saleh a role in the action. The lines of communication are clearly WIDE open.
There’s an obvious need to train and arm Iraqi forces to take over when the U.S. withdraws but I can’t help but thinking of Iraq (in the war against Iran), Afghanistan (in the war with the former Soviet Union) and the recent turmoil in Haiti as examples of the US arming a faction to help promote American policy only to have those weapons come back to haunt us later.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/03/international/middleeast/03FALL.html
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Battle Royale - 9-0 versus The O.C. - Part One
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to tonight’s main event, pitting the show that created it all versus the young and nimble up-and-comer. Let’s keep it clean. No shots below the belt. In case of a knock down, go to the opposite corner. Let’s… get… ready… to rumble!
Each “round” is worth 10 points, with added points for the intangible section, which doesn’t fit into the boxing analogy but I’ve decided to not let it bother me. This is a highly subjective system. One could almost goes as far as saying that this is scientific.
Primary Male Cast
9-0: Brandon Walsh, Dylan McKay, Steve Sanders and David Silver
O.C.: Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood
No question on this one. Brandon and Dylan made their crazy “big in the front” dos all the rage, sold more lunch boxes than anyone other than Jacko (insert joke about Jacko’s target market here) and tore up, yes, TORE UP, West Beverly and CU. Seth was no one before the Summer/Anna drama. Ryan plays the quiet guy pretty well and he is from Chino, which boasts a prison that once was home to Snoop Dogg, but it’s just not enough. 9-0 has the O.C. on the ropes early. This could get ugly fast folks.
Round one goes to 9-0 by a count of 9 to 1.
Primary Female Cast
9-0: Kelly Taylor, Donna Martin and Valerie Malone
O.C.: Marissa Cooper and Summer Roberts
Without the amazing caterpillar to butterfly transformation experienced by Valerie Malone (aka Kelly Kapowski), this category might not even be a contest. Donna would be a strong contender for the “nepotism at its worst” award and Kelly never was able to harness the potential she showed early on in the show’s 10-year-run.
But, Valerie, what can we say, she pulled off cunning, conniving and evil better than any character in television history. The episode when she “caught” her visiting-from-out-of-town best friend stealing stuff, instantly transforming her image and garnering the trust and respect of her counterparts… that, my friends, was pure genius.
Marissa and Summer, on the other hand, are solid, if unspectacular. Neither of them have any personality, similar to Donna and Kelly. Yet they’ve removed themselves from the pressures of “popular” life, choosing instead a life with the quiet, sensitive bad boy from Chino and the comic book reading geek from next door. That’s got to mean something, right?
This round results in a split decision, 5 to 5.
Family
9-0: Jim and Cindy Walsh
O.C.: Sandy and Kirsten Cohen
The O.C. comes back strong in the third round. I mean, do I even have to explain anything with this one? Jim and Cindy left their kids and moved to Hong Kong. Enough said.
But for the sake of a trip down memory lane… the Walsh’s moved to Beverly Hills, yet still made their son work at a diner and then be a towel boy to pay for a crappy Mustang. Jim was the money manager for a known mobster, yet was always giving Brandon and Brenda advice on being good human beings. Cindy was a bit to June Cleaver for a show set in Southern California in the 90s.
Sandy, on the other hand, took Seth and Ryan to Vegas and was cool enough to let them play poker and bring four hookers to their penthouse at the Hard Rock. Kirsten is an automatic inductee into the Hottest Moms in Television Hall of Fame.
The O.C. completely dominates in this round, 10 to 0.
Intermission with the O.C. experiencing a scant 17 to 15 lead.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Each “round” is worth 10 points, with added points for the intangible section, which doesn’t fit into the boxing analogy but I’ve decided to not let it bother me. This is a highly subjective system. One could almost goes as far as saying that this is scientific.
Primary Male Cast
9-0: Brandon Walsh, Dylan McKay, Steve Sanders and David Silver
O.C.: Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood
No question on this one. Brandon and Dylan made their crazy “big in the front” dos all the rage, sold more lunch boxes than anyone other than Jacko (insert joke about Jacko’s target market here) and tore up, yes, TORE UP, West Beverly and CU. Seth was no one before the Summer/Anna drama. Ryan plays the quiet guy pretty well and he is from Chino, which boasts a prison that once was home to Snoop Dogg, but it’s just not enough. 9-0 has the O.C. on the ropes early. This could get ugly fast folks.
Round one goes to 9-0 by a count of 9 to 1.
Primary Female Cast
9-0: Kelly Taylor, Donna Martin and Valerie Malone
O.C.: Marissa Cooper and Summer Roberts
Without the amazing caterpillar to butterfly transformation experienced by Valerie Malone (aka Kelly Kapowski), this category might not even be a contest. Donna would be a strong contender for the “nepotism at its worst” award and Kelly never was able to harness the potential she showed early on in the show’s 10-year-run.
But, Valerie, what can we say, she pulled off cunning, conniving and evil better than any character in television history. The episode when she “caught” her visiting-from-out-of-town best friend stealing stuff, instantly transforming her image and garnering the trust and respect of her counterparts… that, my friends, was pure genius.
Marissa and Summer, on the other hand, are solid, if unspectacular. Neither of them have any personality, similar to Donna and Kelly. Yet they’ve removed themselves from the pressures of “popular” life, choosing instead a life with the quiet, sensitive bad boy from Chino and the comic book reading geek from next door. That’s got to mean something, right?
This round results in a split decision, 5 to 5.
Family
9-0: Jim and Cindy Walsh
O.C.: Sandy and Kirsten Cohen
The O.C. comes back strong in the third round. I mean, do I even have to explain anything with this one? Jim and Cindy left their kids and moved to Hong Kong. Enough said.
But for the sake of a trip down memory lane… the Walsh’s moved to Beverly Hills, yet still made their son work at a diner and then be a towel boy to pay for a crappy Mustang. Jim was the money manager for a known mobster, yet was always giving Brandon and Brenda advice on being good human beings. Cindy was a bit to June Cleaver for a show set in Southern California in the 90s.
Sandy, on the other hand, took Seth and Ryan to Vegas and was cool enough to let them play poker and bring four hookers to their penthouse at the Hard Rock. Kirsten is an automatic inductee into the Hottest Moms in Television Hall of Fame.
The O.C. completely dominates in this round, 10 to 0.
Intermission with the O.C. experiencing a scant 17 to 15 lead.
Contact El Duderino at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
The NCAA Does Something Right?
Okay, well this topic is probably a few weeks past its shelf life, but hey, I didn’t have a forum to express opinions back then.
If you watched the NCAA men’s basketball tourney, then you likely saw at least a hundred commercials highlighting the fact that there are TENS OF THOUSANDS of students participating in NCAA athletics. Although the actual commercials left a little something to be desired, they make an important point.
For some reason, sports journalists and columnists have made it something of a cause the past several years to talk about how unfortunate college athletes are because they’re not being paid, yet no one ever talks about what it would really mean to pay these athletes. Do we only pay basketball and football players? Do we only pay the handful of players that actually have the talent to play the sport professionally?
Does the NFL benefit from the NCAA? Yes. Does that mean that the whole NCAA system that provides a free education (or at least a reduction in cost) to tens of thousands of athletes is flawed? No.
Now clearly the NCAA has a thousand unbelievably moronic rules in place (such as not allowing athletes to have jobs or the Jeremy Bloom case in which the NCAA won’t allow the athlete to receive endorsement money from skiing and modeling), but providing an education to thousands of students is not one of them.
Contact El Duderino (I'm NOT into the whole brevity thing) at jaipf@hotmail.com.
If you watched the NCAA men’s basketball tourney, then you likely saw at least a hundred commercials highlighting the fact that there are TENS OF THOUSANDS of students participating in NCAA athletics. Although the actual commercials left a little something to be desired, they make an important point.
For some reason, sports journalists and columnists have made it something of a cause the past several years to talk about how unfortunate college athletes are because they’re not being paid, yet no one ever talks about what it would really mean to pay these athletes. Do we only pay basketball and football players? Do we only pay the handful of players that actually have the talent to play the sport professionally?
Does the NFL benefit from the NCAA? Yes. Does that mean that the whole NCAA system that provides a free education (or at least a reduction in cost) to tens of thousands of athletes is flawed? No.
Now clearly the NCAA has a thousand unbelievably moronic rules in place (such as not allowing athletes to have jobs or the Jeremy Bloom case in which the NCAA won’t allow the athlete to receive endorsement money from skiing and modeling), but providing an education to thousands of students is not one of them.
Contact El Duderino (I'm NOT into the whole brevity thing) at jaipf@hotmail.com.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Dump Kerry?
Several articles in respected, generally liberal publications (Slate and the Village Voice being two examples), have begun to raise the possibility that the distinguished Senator from Massachusetts could be kicked to the curb prior to the upcoming presidential election -- a truly unprecedented occurrence. In fact, Slate columnist Mickey Kaus wasn’t even quite sure that the feat is even possible.
I guess the theoretical dumping of Kerry is a good thing, despite the fact that I had finally come to terms with supporting Kerry on the sole premise that anyone other than Bush (and Nader) would be a step in a positive direction. In hindsight it’s a bit amusing that Kerry was considered the most “electable” of the candidates, despite the Democrats clearly needing a leader who could provide a consistent message. Saying Kerry is consistent is like saying that Idaho is a tropical getaway.
The big question, though, is who could even possibly replace Kerry at this late stage? It would seem odd, to say the least, to replace Kerry with any of the previous candidates, who lost in the primary season. Tim Russert of Meet The Press grilled Hilary Clinton a number of months ago, prior to it being apparent that Kerry would be the elected nominee, about this exact situation. Hilary didn’t lend any support to the idea that she could pull a coup at the Democratic convention, but she didn’t exactly deny the possibility either. Either way, great foresight shown by Russert, demonstrating why Meet the Press is clearly the premier Sunday morning political show of the major networks.
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0417/mondo1.php
http://slate.msn.com/id/torch
I guess the theoretical dumping of Kerry is a good thing, despite the fact that I had finally come to terms with supporting Kerry on the sole premise that anyone other than Bush (and Nader) would be a step in a positive direction. In hindsight it’s a bit amusing that Kerry was considered the most “electable” of the candidates, despite the Democrats clearly needing a leader who could provide a consistent message. Saying Kerry is consistent is like saying that Idaho is a tropical getaway.
The big question, though, is who could even possibly replace Kerry at this late stage? It would seem odd, to say the least, to replace Kerry with any of the previous candidates, who lost in the primary season. Tim Russert of Meet The Press grilled Hilary Clinton a number of months ago, prior to it being apparent that Kerry would be the elected nominee, about this exact situation. Hilary didn’t lend any support to the idea that she could pull a coup at the Democratic convention, but she didn’t exactly deny the possibility either. Either way, great foresight shown by Russert, demonstrating why Meet the Press is clearly the premier Sunday morning political show of the major networks.
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0417/mondo1.php
http://slate.msn.com/id/torch
Taking One for the Team
A shout out goes to the Chargers for not letting the “first family of football” change the meaning of the word draft. Sure, the Manning’s were successful in reaching the Gotham City, but at what price?
There would seem to be two primary reasons for the ultimatum: to play for a winning team and exposure to a larger market.
The Giants are clearly more than a single player away from being an elite NFL team. They have no offensive line, aging skill players, and a defense that was 22nd in the league in total defense in 2003. The Giants draft did little to address those problems. Kerry Collins was not the problem on the Giants last season.
Further, it’s now becoming clear that the Giants are planning on throwing Eli directly into the fire. Although it’s debatable what the long-term effects are of starting rookie quarterbacks, the short-term impact is very clear -- a long season full of losses. As many teams have shown, losing is not the worst thing in the world short-term if a roadmap has been determined. But, because the Giants traded their 2005 first round pick to the Chargers as part of the deal, a pick that is likely to be in the top 10 with Eli starting, they have little means to improve through the draft. Doh!
Now, there’s still the larger market issue, which would assumedly provide young Eli with “the necessary means, the necessary means” for the almighty endorsement money. But, wait, hold on a second. In the wonderful world of marketing, all exposure is not necessarily good exposure.
Brands typically want their companies and organizations represented by winners and those athletes who are well liked throughout the country. The Manning’s single-handedly infuriated all those not wearing the NFL Football Giants blue and white. Did you hear the boos at the Garden theatre on Sunday? Those won’t be the last. I’m guessing that Eli’s agent isn’t exactly being overwhelmed with calls this week.
I’ll leave the “why the hell would anyone choose Northern Jersey over San Diego!?!” question for another time. Seriously. Maybe AJ Smith should’ve sent Eli a few pictures of the turnpike and the Meadowlands during the pre-draft negotiation period.
Sold to the man in the funny hat.
There would seem to be two primary reasons for the ultimatum: to play for a winning team and exposure to a larger market.
The Giants are clearly more than a single player away from being an elite NFL team. They have no offensive line, aging skill players, and a defense that was 22nd in the league in total defense in 2003. The Giants draft did little to address those problems. Kerry Collins was not the problem on the Giants last season.
Further, it’s now becoming clear that the Giants are planning on throwing Eli directly into the fire. Although it’s debatable what the long-term effects are of starting rookie quarterbacks, the short-term impact is very clear -- a long season full of losses. As many teams have shown, losing is not the worst thing in the world short-term if a roadmap has been determined. But, because the Giants traded their 2005 first round pick to the Chargers as part of the deal, a pick that is likely to be in the top 10 with Eli starting, they have little means to improve through the draft. Doh!
Now, there’s still the larger market issue, which would assumedly provide young Eli with “the necessary means, the necessary means” for the almighty endorsement money. But, wait, hold on a second. In the wonderful world of marketing, all exposure is not necessarily good exposure.
Brands typically want their companies and organizations represented by winners and those athletes who are well liked throughout the country. The Manning’s single-handedly infuriated all those not wearing the NFL Football Giants blue and white. Did you hear the boos at the Garden theatre on Sunday? Those won’t be the last. I’m guessing that Eli’s agent isn’t exactly being overwhelmed with calls this week.
I’ll leave the “why the hell would anyone choose Northern Jersey over San Diego!?!” question for another time. Seriously. Maybe AJ Smith should’ve sent Eli a few pictures of the turnpike and the Meadowlands during the pre-draft negotiation period.
Sold to the man in the funny hat.
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