Sports Guy: No Playoffs, No Problem

Okay, I’m not going to make this a normal habit, but this article is just too damn perfect not to post and since it involves a topic dear to my heart that has already been discussed… this just needs to be on El Duderino.

The following is an excerpt of an article from The Sports Guy, who writes for ESPN’s Page 2, ESPN The Magazine and the Jimmy Kimmel Show. For the entire original article… http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/040507.

No Playoffs, No Problem

A friend in L.A. mailed me "The OC" pilot last summer, about a month before it premiered on Fox. "You're going to love it," he told me. "It's ridiculous. Could fill the void of 90210."

Well, those are some pretty strong words. I still haven't recovered from the demise of "90210," not when David Silver had so much more music in him. I'm not sure what Fox was thinking here. Personally, I would have spun him off into his own show where he tried to launch a music career in LA and became bitter rivals with David from "Real World: New Orleans," only they eventually became roommates and merged their talents together with the smash hit duet, "Come On Be My Baby It's You Girl."

I wouldn't have stopped there. Brandon should have gotten his own show, where he worked for the Boston Globe and did Brandon things. And Dylan definitely should have gotten his own show -- "Permanent Hangover," where he did drugs, drove drunk and had sex with bimbos every week, only with no repercussions. Even Valerie should have gotten her own show, where she played a struggling 20-something in L.A. who slept with a ton of guys and had to get tested at the end of every episode. Best of all, Ian Ziering could have just zoomed around and made cameos in every show. None of these ideas would have missed.

Here's the point: There was a "90210" void. When I passed my friend's "OC" sentiments along to the Sports Gal, she practically clotheslined me for the tape. And as we watched it ... I mean, sometimes you just know. People will always watch a show if it includes the following things:

1. Rich people doing rich things

There's a famous Hollywood story about Rodney Dangerfield's movie "Back to School." They had the script, had Rodney, had the jokes, couldn't figure out what it was missing ... and then someone had the suggestion, "Make him rich." Boom. There's the movie. Everyone wants to be rich. Few people get the chance. So whether we're watching someone save the day with money, or we're watching attractive people driving Ferraris, throwing black-tie functions and getting double-crossed out of millions, it's probably going to work. If there are bikinis and sun, even better. Why do you think "90210" didn't take off until their summer at the Beach Club?

2. An outsider watching rich people do rich things

You always need that outsider -- Brandon on "90210," Ryan on "The OC," Darko on the Pistons. They're like us. They don't belong in this world; neither do we. If you can have them battling about "whether they should move back home" every 10 episodes or so, that's a bonus.

3. A premise just ludicrous enough that you have a good time making fun of it ... and yet just believable enough that it doesn't undermine the whole show

Sandy Cohen is already a first-ballot hall of famer for TV dads.
I loved what "The OC" did here: Peter Gallagher finds himself defending a kid from Encino, a nice enough kid with nothing going for him. And here's what Gallagher decides: "This kid is nothing but trouble ... hey, he can move into my house for a few weeks! I'm sure this street thug kid will get along famously with my nerdy, awkward son who loves comic books! My wife won't mind at all!"

So Ryan moves in. He makes friends with Seth (the nerdy son), then falls for the next-door neighbor (Marissa), a rich chick who has a thing for brooding short guys with no money and no hope. Then he and Seth get their asses kicked by the OC water polo team, so Seth's mom wants him gone. Gallagher drives him back to his old house in Chino, where he's already been kicked out by his mom -- and you know something sad is about to happen because there's a sad song playing in the background -- and guess what? Everyone moved out! He should just kill himself, right?

Nope. Gallagher gives him this one: "Come on, grab your stuff, you're coming home with us."

End of pilot. And if you didn't think this crap worked to a tee ... well, you're crazy. The Sports Gal ended up watching the pilot three times in a single weekend.

4. At least two good-looking chicks.

Guys aren't watching trashy shows unless hot women are involved. It's just a fact. For instance, there wasn't a guy on the planet who watched Melrose Place until Amanda and Sydney showed up. Not a problem for "The OC." Between Summer, Marissa, Kirsten's sister and Marissa's Mom, we're in good hands here.

5. Luck with the actors

Goes without saying. "The OC" lucked out with the adults (especially Gallagher) and the girl who plays Summer (the delightful Rachel Bilson). The kid playing Ryan isn't bad, even though it seems like he's doing an imitiation of Jay Mohr's Andrew McCarthy imitation half the time (looking intense, rolling his eyes and saying stuff like, "I love her, man"). He's also like 27 in real life (insert Ian Ziering joke here). Then again, maybe that isn't a bad thing. I think my "90210" highlight of all-time -- other than Dylan ruining Donna Martion's debutante ball -- was Steve Sanders celebrating his 21st birthday when he was like 37 in real life.

But the key to everything was the guy who plays Seth -- Adam Brody -- probably the best young actor on TV and someone who reminds many people of a young Tom Hanks (not Serious Tom Hanks, but the guy from "Splash," "Bachelor Party" and "Turner and Hooch"). Whether "The OC" becomes Brody's "Bosom Buddies" remains to be seen, but he's the franchise here. And that was the problem with Season One -- the show was supposed to be geared around Ryan and Marissa, but Seth and his girlfriend (Summer) were 10 times more entertaining. A good problem to have ... but still, a problem.

6. A random, ridiculous fistfight for no reason

Done and done.

And finally ...

7. Just the right dose of Unintentional Comedy

It's a little early, but Seth Cohen would like to wish you a merry, merry Christmaka.
Again, not a problem with "The OC." We knew right away, too -- during the scene in the pilot when Ryan and Seth brawl against the Aryan Rich Kid Fighting Machine on the beach, and the villainous Luke kicks Ryan in the stomach and screams, "This is how we do it in the OC, bitch!"

So all the elements were there. I'd give them an "A" for the pilot and a "B-plus" for the season that followed -- which was uneven at times but delivered the goods for the most part. There were three great episodes (and by "great," I mean "great" in terms of reaching the potential of the show): The pilot; the one where Ryan's mom came to visit; and a clever episode where they interacted with the characters of a fake, "OC"-like show. The guy who created the show -- Josh Schwartz, only 26 -- could be headed for bigger and better things. Some of the stuff in Season One was genuinely funny.

Sure, there were some problems. During the middle of the season, there was a gawd-awful running story arc with Oliver, an imbalanced rich kid who tried to steal Marissa from Ryan over the course of a few episodes. This idea was right up there with "Rocky 5" and "Ruiz-Holyfield 3." They also tried too many love triangles. Milked the Ryan-Marissa relationship for too long when they didn't have any chemistry at all. Tried to pretend Summer was a virgin when she slept with Seth (please). And some of the mix-and-match moments -- like Marissa's dad dating Seth's mom's sister as Marissa's mom was dating Seth's mom's father -- went a little overboard.

My biggest problem was how they handled the Luke character -- a natural villain for Ryan out of that "Billy Zabka in the 80's" mold. They just weren't patient with him. By the 10th episode, he had been turned into one of those goofy, Steve Sanders-type characters, befriended the gang and seemed poised to shatter the Unintentional Comedy Scale as we know it. Then he had an inexplicable affair with Marissa's mom. Finally, he crashed his jeep and almost died. Now he's just MIA. How can someone blow a chance to become the next Zabka and the next Ziering in the same season? It's almost mind-boggling.

On the plus side, Brody emerged as someone who could carry the show. They managed to keep the adults interesting all season (something early "90210" couldn't pull off). Gallagher's character even joined the ranks of the all-time great TV dads, right up there with Mr. Keaton on "Family Ties," Mr. Drummond on "Diff'rent Strokes" and Mr Walsh on "90210." Meanwhile, Marissa's acting was so comically atrocious, it brought back fond memories of the Andrew Shue Era. They managed to hit a record number of "issues," including teen pregnancy, virginity, drinking, drugs, schizophrenia, suicide and, DWI. They even made Marissa's useless sister vanish halfway through the season, a classic "90210" ploy (if it ain't working, make it disappear).

The season-ending cliffhanger was actually pretty good -- Ryan leaving to deal with his knocked-up former flame; Marissa hitting the bottle; Seth sailing to Tahiti on a 15-foot sailboat that wouldn't have been good enough for Gilligan and the Skipper, bringing only a duffel bag and no food. All in all, a ludicrously satisfying conclusion to an entertaining season. If only "Friends" could have said the same.

(Of course, I'll take the NBA Playoffs over either of them. Can we start playing some games, please? Please? Pretty please?)

Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN the Magazine.


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